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NSA – Your Creepy National Stalkers Anonymous Roommate Who Made You Into a Worse Person

NSA cable guyIt is kind of funny, but I always thought NSA stood for “National Stalkers Anonymous,” a collection of recovering/rehabilitated/repurposed Stalkers who used to be those creepy guys who keep track of everyone’s personal lives, and who ended up working for the government.

Because really, that’s kind of what they always did.

Some people compared them to the Stasi, a secret police, nowadays.  But I think that’s giving them too much credit.  Really, your stalker roommate never really knows any thing useful, like when the dishes need to be cleaned, or when to buy food.  He just gets obsessive over personal information for weird reasons.

Unfortunately, the “National Stalkers Anonymous” has grown so powerful, that apparently, they are our “friends” now, whether we want them to be or not.  You know, Kinda like Jim Carrey’s “Cable Guy”, who’s out to help you, one way or another, doing things for your own good, without your knowledge or consent (including possibly killing your rivals and your ex-girl friend, to protect you).

When I watched the movie, I could sympathize with Jim Carrey’s creepy character, who just wanted friends, and who was misguided and lonely.  Somehow, he felt that if he had all the information about you, he could protect you, and then he would have proved that he was your friend, your guardian angel.

Thus, I can also sympathize with “National Stalkers Anonymous”.  I have no doubt that they have good intentions, to protect Americans, to be America’s friend and guardian angel.

But there is a reason why we don’t let “Cable Guy” have back door or indirect access to emails and user information, let alone let “Cable Guy” direct drone bombs or no-fly list.

Namely, it is the creepy factor, and the unpredictability factor, because we know instinctively, there is something wrong with such people who have a need to “stalk” for personal/private information.

Yes, you may not care that your personal information is leaked into public or known by the “National Stalkers Anonymous”.  But that doesn’t diminish the creepy factor, does it?

Like Matthew Broderick’s character, you try to put the Cable Guy out of your mind.  You even try to reason with him.  But it really doesn’t work.  Every thing just worsens until eventually someone almost dies.

Along the way, Broderick’s character gets dragged along by the Cable Guy, into one nightmare scenario after another, while viewers just wonder, how did he ever get himself into this situation with the Cable guy?

The answer is simple.  the Cable Guy appears benign sometimes, and people try not to confront them until it is too late.

And while unconfronted, the Cable Guy does things in your name, “for a good cause”, so to speak.  And that makes you into worse people.

Funnier still, NSA recently instituted a “Buddy system” to prevent leakers like Edward Snowden, aka the one normal person who actually found NSA’s stalking creepy and spoke up.

So now, the stalkers are in pairs, stalking each other while stalking the world.  Somehow, that feels like a terrible plot that will end very badly.

I’m sure actually, that there are more than a few normal people in NSA.  Many of them felt a need to speak out about the snooping/stalking, like Snowden.  Many probably told their own families, and warned them to avoid emails/social media/etc..  Many probably felt like speaking out, but for the threat of severe legal consequences.  Now, many probably feel a sense of relief, because Snowden said it, and they don’t have to.  Snowden took a fall for the conscience of others.

But the relief is temporary.  We know how this plot will go.  The Cable Guy is not stopping, because he is legal.  That creepy roommate is here to stay, paid for by your rent/taxes, to keep an eye on everyone, for your good.


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